The following post was submitted by CWA adoptive dad,           Scott Cramer/Ethiopia Program.  If you are interested in allowing us to post your CWA adoption-related story, please let me know!

You may not know this…but I come from a long line of white people. It’s a condition that goes back many generations. All of them actually. And we live in a little town in the Midwest…with a lot of white people. Unfortunately, our community is more economically and socially diverse than it is racially.

So, now that our family consists of a black person…right smack dab in the middle of 4 white kids…we get some stares. We catch strangers staring. Usually, when we make eye contact, they will smile and nod and look away.

When I was 13, my cousin Seth and I were at a Little League baseball game. He was maybe 7 years old. We were in the grassy area just beyond the outfield fence watching my brother play.

I noticed a couple of boys, about my age, twenty feet from us that were staring, pointing and laughing at us. I have no idea why and I didn’t care…too much. It was probably our clothes. I would always ignore this kind of stuff.

Not Seth. He walked right up to them and said, “Do you have a problem?” Their smiles left their faces. “Nope” they answered…and they left. Seth was bold.

Something stirred in me that day. For me to see this type of courage from Seth and to witness its affect on those boys, ushered me into my own era of boldness. One that lingers to this day. One I would pay for in the 10th grade when my family moved to a new school district. One I would pay for 6 times when I was pulled over for speeding in college. I would gradually learn from experience the difference between “bold” and “cocky”. Boldness is a combination of confidence, duty and humility. Being cocky is simply confidence mixed with pride.

This past Friday night we went to an Antique car show in town. Sky, my oldest, loves old cars and trucks. We walked as a family of seven…some of us holding hands. Evan was on my shoulders. The usual stares. All of them turning to smiles.

But then I see a guy point and say, “What the h-ll is that?” The other 4 people in his group turned to look. I looked behind me…nothing. So, I watched his eyes…I wanted to see what he was looking at. But then I realized he was looking at us…in particular, Hana. I was shocked. I looked at this guy…waiting for some visible explanation. I was just sure there was something I was missing. There wasn’t. I just stared back at this group. They were scowling. I could sense their disapproval. He was a middle aged guy…his dark hair was showing a little grey. Dark mustache. Green T-shirt with the sleeves cut off. Cut off blue jean shorts. Hey, in our region of the country those have never gone out of style.

Jena didn’t hear it or see it. When I told her about it later she said it must have been Hana’s hair. Bless her heart. She has worked so hard on Hana’s hair. And she has done a a great job. Saturday she spent 2-1/2 hours on it. It looked great. But this wasn’t about Hana’s hair.

The stare turned into a glare. This guy’s remark and pointing was obviously asking for my response. My eyes were locked with his for a moment. He had a confidence that came from being surrounded by friends. Mine came from being ticked off. The words…uttered by my cousin 25 years ago…so appropriate for right now. They were at the tip of my tongue. Actually just beyond my tongue, that place of pause right behind my teeth. I walked toward the group and the car he was showing…and I said…“Hey kids, check this out…a 67’ Mustang! Your grandpa had one of these!”

This wasn’t the time for a confrontation. Just before I almost said it, God revealed something to me. In a nanosecond this thought went through my mind…Every time we’d been in public with Hana, I was tense. Almost defensive. I would catch myself glaring. Focused…on others. Like I was the point man in a platoon…looking for the next ambush. I was constantly in “protect” mode. I wasn’t focused on my family. I wasn’t focused on having fun with my kids. I was focused on what other people thought. I was constantly trying to interpret their non-verbal opinion about my new family. So, the rest of that evening I was intentional about focusing on my family. And we had a great time.

Later, I began to wonder, Is there a time when the statement ‘Do you have a problem?’ is appropriate? And I think there is…for our kids sake. They’re watching. Just as I watched Seth many years ago. I pray when that time comes God will give me wisdom and the words to say…and that my statement will teach and inspire boldness in my children.

In the mean time I’m going to focus on my wife and kids. We are going to have fun. I’m going to look for opportunities to teach, coach and and play with my kids. And I’ll bet when I put my focus where it should be, people will stop staring.