Talking about Adoption
I remember walking into a doctor’s office when my daughter was five. She said in a very loud voice, “Why are all of these people staring at us?” Everyone immediately put their eyes down and back onto their magazine page. She was beginning to notice how other people reacted to seeing a fair, blonde haired mom with a beautiful brown skinned, dark haired child. Now that she is twelve, she is becoming accustomed to the looks we still generate when we walk into an unfamiliar area. She does occasionally wish I had black hair instead of blonde.
To help our children navigate their way, it is important for parents to talk about their child’s adoption. When a child enters school, we need to talk to our child’s teacher. Share with your child’s teacher the basic information about your child’s adoption. With younger children, you may want to go into your child’s class to read a story about adoption. As children get older, they don’t want to draw attention to themselves. I believe it is still important to let your child’s teacher know that your child was adopted. Many times topics come up in class and it is helpful if the teacher is prepared.
No matter what age your child is when he comes home begin telling him his adoption story. Make small photograph albums that a toddler can carry around. For older children have photo albums filled with pictures from your trip and of their birth country. Have items from your child’s birth country to display in your home. Answering a child’s questions and being open to discussions will help continue the discussions as your child grows older. When your child asks a question, give an age appropriate answer. Adults like to give long drawn out answers but a simple answer is usually sufficient for a child.
Continue to read adoption stories to your child as they grow older. The W.I.S.E. UP PowerBook is an excellent workbook to help prepare your child for questions from their peers. Many times children are curious and ask our children questions about their adoption when we aren’t around. It is important for us to prepare them on ways to handle the questions. You can begin to use W.I.S.E. UP when your child is six years old. This book is good for children in elementary school.
Please let me know how I can help you.
