Why do I feel so sad all the time? Why don’t I want to hold and play with my baby? Why do I continue to feel as if I am this child’s caregiver and not his mother? Post Adoption Depression affects many parents. PAD is something that happens to many families, but no one likes to talk about it. Many parents are ashamed at not feeling love for their child. They may share their feelings with a family member or friend, but are told, “This is what you wanted. You wanted to adopt this child. How can you talk about your child this way?”  Many times parents don’t connect their feelings with PAD. They may have confusing feelings about their child. They may feel sad over the adoption and angry about the changes in their families. All of these feelings are normal and need to be shared with a family member, doctor, pastor, or counselor. Talking about your feelings is necessary to begin to recover from PAD.
Before you bring your child home is a very busy time. You are in control of completing the paperwork and doing the required reading. After your dossier is completed and processed, you begin the waiting period. During this time, you are busy preparing for the child’s arrival. Everyone is excited about this new addition to the family, whether it will be an infant or older child. Then you receive the call that it is time to travel.
Sometimes PAD will begin when you meet your child for the first time, or it may wait to stike until you are home. You may not like your child. It may be difficult for you to care for your child in a loving way. When parents feel this way, they blame themselves. They often don’t talk about these feelings because they are embarrassed and ashamed. These feelings are a sign you may be suffering from PAD. Other times parents may not feel attached to their child, they may blame the child for the changes in their family, or they may grieve the loss of their family as they once knew it. These feelings are a sign you may be suffering from Post Adoption Depression.  Please talk to someone you trust.  Hopefully, you won’t ever have to deal with the feelings of post adoption depression. If you do, there are professionals here at CWA, and CWA parents who understand what it feels like to have post adoption depression. There is no shame in feeling this way and there are so many people who want to help. Please contact me, if you ever want to talk about this topic or any other questions about you may have about the feelings associated with your adoption, your family or your child’s adjustment into your family. Kathy
