Adoption is a Journey

Adoption is a journey. Families are made from love and experiences. If you didn’t know this before you adopted, you will after! My journey began in early 2004, as a single woman of 40 who wanted to have a family.

My job in Information Technology is pretty intense and knew I was going to need help to pull this off. So I asked my mother if she was game to join in. I asked that she join in the whole way – sell both our houses, build a new one together that was ours, and go to some foreign country to adopt a child. It was to be a complete change of lifestyle for Mom, a widow living alone with lots of outside activities…And lucky for me, she’s been totally involved and committed from the start. In February 2005, we moved into our newly built home. That same month I registered with CWA, to start us off on bringing our little one home.

I originally submitted paperwork to the Kazakh officials for approval in late August of 2005 – but it stalled at that point, and was eventually returned to me in late October for rework. Right after my dossier had arrived, the country changed paperwork requirements. Thus, my dossier required a rather substantial rewrite. These things happen! The delay caused a few rough moments emotionally – as with any journey, adoption has some rough patches – but by February of 2006, I had resubmitted. I was approved in March.

My mother and I flew to Kazakhstan over Memorial Day weekend of 2006. We arrived, suitably jet-lagged after 40 hours of travel, at 11 p.m. Sunday local time in Karaganda. Next morning was selection at 10 AM, May 29th. In the planning for my journey, all my thoughts had been concentrated on a girl. But God had different thoughts, and when we arrived at the baby house He made sure I knew it -- no girls were available. The facilitator told me I could take a boy or come back in 3 months.

It was a test of courage for me. I’d originally opted for a girl because the whole process of adoption can be scary, and at least I’d been a girl once – risk mitigation! But God’s action reminded me that the best things in life come with the application of your faith and courage—and He felt I needed a boy. Knowing that God set me up for a boy, set me up to recognize that my son, at his first sight of me, had selected me for his mother. My son didn’t take his eyes off me during the whole selection, pivoting around to keep me in view, and making full eye contact. The moment of truth is when you’re asked if this is the child for whom you want the medical history—and he was!

The child was 11 and ½ months old that day, and weighed slightly more than 18 lbs. He looked healthy and the report indicated good health. He hadn’t learned to stand up yet, so we were going to have to work on that – but what a crawler! You had to chase him, he crawled so fast!

Because I’d been focused on a girl, I hadn’t spent much time on boy names. But I’d always liked the name Owen, and months earlier, I’d told Mom (now Grandma) it was my favorite boy’s name. But when Grandma asked me, “So, is he Owen?” I simply didn’t know. It was dinnertime before I was able to say, “Yes, he’s Owen.” Middle names took us a while longer, with both of us throwing out options until Grandma offered up “Christopher.” Owen Christopher. It’s a beautiful name for a wonderful boy.

We went through the bonding phase required by the Kazakhstani program, learning just how wonderful Owen is. He didn’t smile the first three days, so it was a little while before we realized he has killer dimples—and a smile that melts everyone who is gifted by it. You should see folks in stores today when he smiles at them. It makes me worry how many girls will be over visiting when he’s a little older! By the time we got custody in the Karaganda hotel, he was smiling a lot, and by the time we returned to the U.S., he was starting to babble all the time too.

At first he never cried. We eventually realized that was because children don’t get much individual solace in orphanages. So he never cried, rather like being lost in a crowd. He’s much more normal now, cries when something hurts, or he can’t express something and gets frustrated… and he expects us to recognize and honor whatever the problem is. He knows we will certainly try! As a result, he’s a lot louder all around, and we are SO LUCKY!

Owen is a very active child, and fortunately, he spends his day with a Daycare Grandma who appreciates that. In fact, they spend part of each day wandering around outside in our backyard, watching the house next door being built, or looking for birds, or waving to passing neighbors, cars, and trucks. He’s made friends with the fellows building the house, and the neighbors slow their cars to wave at him! He climbs stairs whenever he gets a chance, and willingly goes with Grandma on errands during the day. He usually rides along to pick up Mommy at the end of her workday, thus brightening her day. Needless to say, learning to stand didn’t take long and now he’s running!

We sent our first post placement report off to Kazakhstan in October. My home study provider visited us for dinner as part of his review for that report. The greatest compliment he paid us was to tell us that he and his wife had so much enjoyed watching Mommy and Grandma look at Owen – every time we did, our eyes twinkled! He asked if we’d adopt from Kazakhstan again, and the answer is emphatically and wholeheartedly "Yes." They did a wonderful job ensuring a healthy little boy came home with his family.

My son, Owen is now 19 months old. Grandma, Owen and I recently went to a church dinner. Owen enjoyed the meal and charmed everyone with his smiles, waves, and dimples. After dinner, the priest rose to speak about the Fall missions collection. He gave a speech, which had breaks in to allow the audience to applaud.

Up to this time, Grandma and I hadn’t realized just how much we applaud when Owen does something right – but we think he must have thought the audience was applauding for him. He jumped up and down in his high chair, applauded loudly, and shouted “yah” into each break. That was fine…until the priest left the same break after saying “as you know I didn’t preach this morning”…and Owen applauded loudly and shouted “yah”. We laughed all the way home. And we’ll re-tell and love this moment the rest of his life.

As journeys go, this one isn’t over—Thank goodness! We’re so blessed, and loving every moment of each thing we’re learning…and re-learning! Soon Owen will be in the "Terrible Twos", but how much more terrible it would have been for him NOT to be adopted. One thing we learned in the orphanage is that we need more parents. There are wonderful children there, longing to be part of a family. We are so glad to have helped one of those wonderful children – and he’s helping us understand the gifts of love every day!

Kathy White

Owen Christopher White