From Russia With Love

On June 1, 1999 in Nizhney, Novgorod, Russia we became the parents of a wonderful little girl. After 18 months of paperwork our prayers were answered. Our daughter is bright, intelligent, loving, healthy and affectionate. She is quick to learn and a joyful addition to our family.

Several people asked why we chose to adopt from Russia. First of all, there are very few children available for adoption in the United States. I knew that I could not stand the heartache of fostering a child, which might return to its birth parents. We did not want to wait years to complete an adoption. We also chose to adopt from Russia because of the great number of children in need. There are half a million children in orphanages in Russia. The Russian Federation is a huge country. The poverty in Russia was beyond my imagination. Maybe if I had lived through the Great Depression I could image how poor these people are. David said it reminded him of rural Mississippi, 40 years ago. We thought Russia was a developed country much like the United States. Unfortunately, capitalism has not been established in Russia and many people are on the edge of poverty. I believed that with the fall of communism that Russian people would be open and friendly. We found that many of the Russian people were still suspicious of strangers.

In most areas of Russia, adoption agencies are allowed to obtain health information, videotapes and photographs of children available for adoption and send the information to waiting families. That is not the situation in the region of Novgorod. This region required two trips because the region does not allow any pictures, films or medical information to be released in advance. They believe this practice is advertising children. Instead, at least one parent is required to travel to the region and identify in person the child they wish to adopt. Our daughter was living in Orphanage #2 in Nizhney, Novgorod. Nizhney is an ancient city, which was closed to all foreigners during communism because there was a huge navel base there where nuclear submarines were built. The navel base is now closed and the city is open to travel by foreigners.

For the first trip, I went alone in April. The flight left New York City in the evening and arrived in Moscow at lunch the next day. I was met by a driver and put on a train that night for Nizhney, Novgorod. The train ride was eight hours long. As I rode the train through the night, I thought “Wendy, what have you got yourself into?” I was in a first class sleeper cabin with a Russian businessman who was a stranger sleeping two feet away from me. During this trip many people asked me why the United States was bombing Kosova. Many Russians believed that if we invaded a little country like Kosova, then the next step would be to invade other countries. Everyone I met had heard of President Clinton’s Monica Lewinski scandal. There were books written in Russian about Monica Lewinski in the stores. Everywhere I went I felt like an ambassador because I did not want Russian people to think of the United States as a great aggressive, invading country. I did not want people to believe that Americans accepted promiscuous adultery from their president as acceptable behavior. Once I bought a wood craving of an angel for my mother. The old woman selling the carving asked my translator where I was from. The translator told her I was from the United States. The old woman said, “There are good people in the United States besides Bill Clinton.”

After I returned home in April, we received a court date for David and I to return in June. David was very apprehensive about the trip. He has read too many Tom Clancy novels and was reared during the cold war so he was quite paranoid the whole time we were in Russia.

While walking on the streets, we found that the Russian people are not friendly. They do not look you in the eyes. They do not smile or speak a greeting. This habit was ingrained into their culture under communist rule. Many people who are non-Communist are worried that a Communist leader will be elected in the next election in 2000. There is much turmoil in the government. From a political standpoint, every Russian we met was sick of the corruption in the government. They are tired of sacrifice and poverty. They are tired of working for such low wages. The judge in the Family Court who heard our case makes about 3750 rubles per month, which is equivalent to $150 US dollars. Most middle class Russians make about $100 per month.

While Russian people are very poor, they are also very proud and use the resources they have to their best advantage. Everyone has a vegetable garden and grows and preserves their own food. Grocery stores are very small and do not have a variety of foods from which to choose. Fresh meat, other than chicken, is difficult to find.

Once you know a Russian person on a personal basis, they are warm, open, deeply caring people who are very much like ourselves. Most people live in a very small one or two bed room apartment. These apartments were built under communism. They are all small and one looks like another so everyone’s apartment is the same. Usually the living room couch folds out to become a bed. While I was there, I stayed with a host family. The family that I stayed with was a mother named Anna, her 19 year old daughter, Oxana and Marta, the 75 pound boxer bulldog. I could not understand why they would have a huge dog in such a small apartment but I quickly realized the important role that Marta played in the family. In Russia, people are desperate and there is much theft and crime. In the winter there are only a few hours of daylight and mostly darkness. If Anna did not have Marta to protect her then she could not go out at night safely. Big dogs are everywhere in the city and are allowed in the grocery stores with their masters. Anna spoke very little English and Oxana was the interrupter. Oxana’s grasp of English constantly amazed me. Both of them were Christians. During communism, if you were a Christian, you were not allowed to enter the university, you were watched and harassed by the KGB and at times may be arrested. Anna was very proud of the fact that Oxana had been baptized as a baby. She told me that she and her husband went to a little church far out in the country and had her secretly baptized. The KGB did not watch the country churches as closely as the churches in the city.

In Russia it is customary and expected that you give gifts for favors. Every person that processed our paperwork in any way was rewarded with a gift by our facilitator. The first trip I took many things for various people. Most of what I took was for the children in the orphanage. The ladies at St. Peter’s Lutheran Church made baby quilts, and collected children’s vitamins and medicine. My godmother made about 50 knitted toboggans. I took baby socks and chocolates for the director of the orphanage and liquor for the officials. The director of the orphanage was communist and did not trust people from the United States. She was polite and spoke an unenthusiastic thank you for the gifts. When I returned on the second trip, the director stopped me and asked through the interpreter if I was the person that had brought the knit caps. When I said yes, she graciously told me she appreciated the caps and that they had used every one of them.

On the second trip, I took only the gifts that I wanted to give to the people who had been so kind to me. I took Oxana makeup, shampoo, hair bows and nail polish. To Anna, I took instant coffee, Tylenol, vitamins and a quilt. I told her that my mother and her friends had made a quilt for her because of the kindness she showed me on the first trip to Russia. Anna started to cry and told me that all the gifts were just like Christmas, only Christmas had never been that good. It made me feel very grateful for the blessings we take for granted in the USA.

When we went to court our interrupter prepared us for the types of questions the judge and child welfare attorney would ask. We were told what to wear, what to say and how to act. In court the father is required to answer the questions of the judge and attorney representing the child’s welfare. Our interpreter told David he would be asked questions about our home, neighborhood, financial status, marital status, etc. She told him it was very important to tell the court that we had a washing machine and a dryer. These are luxuries that only the wealthiest women in Russia have. I was embarrassed by the way our home study described our home. ’Three bedrooms, three bathrooms, single-family dwelling in a rural mountainous neighborhood.’ Such a home is beyond the imagination of most Russian people. Our home is very modest by American standards. When the people in the court looked at pictures of our home, they said they could not image living in such a wonderful place. Many people testified during the hearing. There was a government inspector who witnessed David meeting our daughter in the orphanage. There was the assistant director at the orphanage and the attorney representing the child’s welfare. All of these people were required to give an opinion as to whether this adoption was in the best interest of the child. All of them agreed for many reasons that we would be good parents and advised the judge to allow the adoption to proceed.

When I look at my daughter’s smiling face, I know that all the paperwork, all the worry, all the travel and expense was worth the effort. It was only through the prayers of our friends, families and strangers, that our trip was such a success. All the while, God carried us through the whole process, even when we had terrible doubts about whether this decision to adopt from Russia was His will. Each time I prayed, ’Thy will be done. And God if this is not Your will and You close this door, please slam the door loudly so there is no doubt in my mind of what Your will is.” Prayer is powerful! God answered our prayers even better than we imaged. God was with us and never let us come into danger during our trip. Instead of taking two to three weeks to complete the legal paperwork, we were home from Russia in seven days. God is always in control. Even in places like Nizhney, Novgorod, God is in control. Never doubt the power of prayer or the power of our awesome God!

Wendy White