Adoption Changed Our Lives

Our adoption story begins like many others: unable to have biological children, so we chose adoption to complete our family. What we didn’t expect was how adoption would change our lives and the way we looked at the world.

In 1994, a referral came six weeks after we completed our paperwork. A picture of Rachel arrived: a beautiful, soon to be 6 month-old daughter, living in Hunan, China. I was hooked.

We were blessed to have Tomilee Harding traveling with us, an experienced and savvy traveler. I recall a specific conversation days before we met our daughter where we discussed the children she had seen in the countries she had visited. We talked about their needs and how CWA was trying to help. Tomilee told me that she couldn’t forget the faces of the children who remained behind after each visit, and it inspired her to try and do more. While I was thankful for a caring agency, I was thinking more about the daughter we were about to meet.

Adoption day finally came. When we arrived the children in the windows were waving at us. My conversation with Tomilee came back. Then I understood what she had meant.

As they brought in our girls, there was confusion, picture taking, completing paperwork and asking questions. Rachel sat quietly on my lap taking it all in. Later we were greeted by some older children who sang and danced for us. It was over much too quickly. Off to our next paperwork appointment. I remember looking back and seeing those beautiful smiling faces of the children left behind as they waved goodbye--faces which burned in my memory and so difficult to forget.

Rachel added so much to our lives. My husband, Paul, and I relished all of the many experiences of parenthood and loved her more than we thought possible. We wanted Rachel to have the same love and experiences that we had as children with siblings. So, we began our second adoption in 1998, for Michelle. This time the wait was much longer--nine months to referral.

The feeling of deja vu was prevalent throughout this adoption. The referral and adoption dates for Rachel and Michelle were close, we were returning to Hunan to adopt, and I would be allowed to visit the orphanage where Rachel was from. I hoped to be able to see the children I had met four years prior.

We decided that Paul and Rachel would stay at home. I traveled with a lifelong friend who had also adopted through CWA. Although much had changed in just four years, returning to Hunan was like going home. The paperwork went smoothly and Michelle’s easygoing personality was evident from the start. Finally it was time to return to the orphanage. Much had changed there too. I was surprised to see several of the same children I had seen before. Although I knew that adoption of older children was less prevalent than infant adoption, I was startled to actually recognize their faces. This time, I learned the names to go with those faces and became committed to helping those children.

In 1999, I began to work with Families with Children New York (FCCNY) who was working with a non-governmental Christian agency, the Amity Foundation, based in China. Initially, we were able to sponsor ten older children to attend school. Since then other adoptive families continue sponsoring children for school, including schooling two deaf children, surgeries, grandmas, medical equipment, wheelchairs and walkers. In the fall of 2000, I returned to Hunan to visit three orphanages sponsored by FCCNY. It was a wonderful experience and we were able to witness the effects of the programs. Children with disabilities who may never be adopted in foster care, grandmas committed to infant development at one orphanage, and to the children with disabilities at two others, and the surgeries that made life easier for the children.

In 2000, we began our third adoption and 13 months later, we had our referral for Sarah, also from in Hunan. I was excited to be returning for my fourth trip! I again visited the same orphanages as before. The differences the grandmas had made were readily apparent and it was good to see the progress.

Sarah was a tiny, 12 month-old, but had obviously been loved. I spent three days where Sarah was living and met the wonderful women who cared for her. I traveled with a cousin who is a physical therapist. We worked with some of the caregivers and grandmas, teaching them therapies to help disabled children. The experience was incredible! I finally felt like I was making a difference.

Tomilee was right: you can’t forget the faces of those children who remain behind. God gives us each abilities for making a difference in the lives of others. It is up to us to find and use those abilities. I am grateful I have found CWA, FCCNY and the Amity Foundation, who make it possible for me to assist those children who are no longer nameless.

Karen Jani