The Finz Family’s Journey of Faith

The following is an excerpt from David Finz’s book, “Adoption: A Father’s Journey of Faith.”

I once again spotted a fair-skinned, middle-aged woman traveling with an Asian child. The two of them, by all appearances, were mother and daughter, and there did not seem to be a father accompanying them. The woman walked with a cane but otherwise seemed to be in good health. These two people were among those we had seen the day before, and I felt an uncharacteristic urge to strike up a conversation with them. Carol was a little surprised, given that I have never been great at mingling or initiating conversations with strangers, but when I told her my intentions she did not try to stop me. I approached the woman and told her that I couldn’t help but notice this beautiful child she was traveling with.

“Is she yours?” I asked.

“Yes, most definitely,” she replied.

“May I ask where she is from?” at this point we were both smiling at the young girl, who showed little signs of bashfulness.

“I’m from China!” the little girl proudly proclaimed.

“You know, my wife and I have been looking into adoption; would it be all right if I asked you a couple of questions…”

“Oh, it’s my favorite subject!” by this point, all of my inhibitions had evaporated. “Why don’t you and your wife join us for lunch after Mass?”

Following the service, we had lunch with Mary-Alice and her daughter Helen. We learned that Mary Alice had gone through an adoption agency known as Christian World Adoption, or CWA. Although they were based in South Carolina, Mary-Alice explained that CWA worked with families nationwide, and focused exclusively on international adoptions. As she gave us a crash course in the adoption process, we played with Helen and enjoyed a leisurely meal. Some two hours later we parted company and exchanged e-mail addresses, and I thought back to that night in Pam’s house long ago when I first held a baby in my arms.

Despite our excitement, we decided to tread carefully. One of the news stations in our area had recently run a series of exposes about disreputable adoption agencies, and prudence dictated that we find out a little more about CWA, and check out other options as well. Part of me wanted to just accept that a stunningly beautiful, seemingly healthy four year old girl was the best reference anyone could ask for! Still, we did our homework. Before registering with CWA, we obtained a fair amount of literature from them, along with a moving videotape featuring testimonials of adoptive parents and their children. We also spoke with intake specialist Carol Nelson at length. My own research indicated that CWA was recognized by the China Center for Adoption Affairs as a key player among Western adoption agencies, and that CWA was routinely invited to the Chinese Government’s briefings on policy changes and other roundtable discussions. China was not the only country where CWA had a long-standing presence; the agency had brought thousands of children home from Eastern Europe and Latin America over the preceding several years as well. I was also impressed with the agency’s humanitarian commitment to the children left behind in the orphanages. The fact that CWA Executive Director Tomilee Harding and her husband Robert were themselves adoptive parents also suggested to me that they would understand the range of emotions we would feel throughout the process.

Nevertheless, we checked out a number of other agencies that handled both domestic and international adoptions before making a decision. We were determined to select the agency that was best suited for our family, not one that merely held itself out as being “faith-based.” Fortunately, when it came to CWA, these were one in the same. Nothing drove this point home more than the question of what would happen to our adoption if we were to somehow conceive during the wait for a child. As I mentioned earlier, Carol and I were not prepared to close the door on having a child biologically, we had simply resolved not to use IVF to try to force that result. This seemed reasonable to us, but a nationally renowned adoption agency based in New York informed us unequivocally that we needed to swear off any attempts at conception while we were going through the adoption. If we ended up “accidentally” conceiving, our adoption would be put on hold until our biological child was born and the agency had a chance to reassess our “suitability” as parents of yet another child.

In contrast, Carol Nelson told us that CWA viewed children as a gift from God, that if we were to conceive, our paperwork to the child’s country would necessarily be updated to reflect our growing family, but that if we felt we could handle two new children in such close proximity, CWA was not about to tell us that we couldn’t. We understood that the ultimate decision of whether to still sanction the adoption under those circumstances would rest in the hands of a foreign government, but it was heartwarming to know that our agency would stand with us. And it was that level of understanding on the part of CWA that made the ultimate selection of an agency a “no-brainer” for us.

So here I was, this “nice Jewish boy,” driving around with a bumper sticker bearing the CWA “cross and globe” emblem and their toll-free number on the back of my Honda Civic. What a difference a year makes!

David Finz